My friend that I’ll call call Pinky recently found out she is pregnant. We’ve been friends for a while and have shared feelings about having children including our fears that we might lose ourselves in the process and how others might perceive us if we speak about this too much or too loudly.
So when she found out she was pregnant, of course she had mixed feelings. For the 35 and older set that are making weekly trips to the fertility clinic, this is a mortal sin.
pinky: thank you for reminding me about my own blessings.
pinky: well, I thinking I have been selfish about the whole pregnancy thing. God has blessed me and I think I have been very selfish
melodi: you know what – there is nothing wrong with understanding the higher blessing while still taking time to process
pinky: just worried about me, me, and me
melodi: and with that process comes feelings that are uncomfortable and may even sound selfish. we can always say, i’m blessed and try to stuff down other feelings but that is unfair to ourselves. you can be blessed and apprehensive at the same time
melodi: i guess i’m just saying, don’t feel like you always have to be happy, like you don’t have a right to feel conflicted. i would never look at you and think, “well, she shouldn’t complain because” yadda, yadda, yadda
pinky: I know you wouldn’t but I need to get better about that
melodi: maybe some would, but i feel like our feelings around children, and our lifestyle and our bodies are complex and they deserve consideration
melodi: your blues ain’ like mine, but i didn’t have my belly split open either
pinky: yes so very true. I have gotten real cautious since my line sister has had 6 rounds of IVF and still a no go, and now she is working on a surrogate. I feel nervous about having a baby then I feel like I’m being a snot because I didn’t want a baby a fraction as much as she does and she can’t conceive
it makes me feel bad and I don’t want to voice how I feel because I don’t want to sound ungrateful. So I know there is a balance but sometime its hard to strike it, and everyone is not as forgiving as you are
This is a hard one. For someone that is having their own fertility issues, I’ll admit, I felt some kind of way when she told me that she was pregnant. It was a quick, fleeting,ugly little feeling and I felt guilty because I was really happy for her. We all have these little ugly thoughts. As long as we remember that while we are going through our own struggles, we have to support our friends through theirs. They have their own blues too.