The Liebster Award has been passed around to various blogs to highlight good reads with small followings. Thank you AdoptiveBlackMom for recommending my little corner of the internet. *blushing* ABM is one of the few other adoptive moms of color blogging about her experiences so I see us as kindred spirits. Her writing is amazing so I’m glad that she recommends mine to others.
This blog is a hodge-podge of stuff as I’ve been recording my life here for quite some time. I’ve talked a bit about grad school, traveling the world, dating, marriage and infertility. Lately I’ve been focusing on our adoption journey and parenting our two-year-old foster child (pre-adoptive placement) Nana.
So on to the questions that ABM asked:
Why did you start blogging?
I’ve been blogging since the 90s…literally. If you ever happened upon an old blog, “Black Girl in Iowa” that was me. I used to share my crazy Iowa stories over email and then moved to a blog to make it easier. Plus I was sending my craziness over my work email and that was a no-no. When I left Iowa and went to grad school in 2005, I wanted my friends to continue to follow my adventures. I needed a new name and India Arie’s CD was on repeat so Complicated Melodi was born.
What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned on your adoption journey?
But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners. Surat Al’Anfal 8:30
We started out this journey wanting to have a biological baby, but that wasn’t our path. Then we (he) wanted a newborn baby. We were offered a couple of situations but none of them seemed right. As someone who plans for a living and feels like I should have some clear ownership of what happens to my life, this was a challenging process. We were trying to add parameters where they didn’t belong and control or influence the process. But when we relaxed, let go and let God, it worked out exactly how it was supposed to. Nana was brought into our lives and I can’t imagine a better fit.
How do you practice self-care?
I don’t think I’m a particularly good example to follow. I would say that self-care for me is having time to myself to use as I choose. I’m blessed to have a partner, an active partner, that can tag me out and I do the same for him. On a daily basis, I talk Nana to school, Wood picks her up and feeds her. I tag him out after work and take over and then we switch off with bed duties. Since she goes to bed at 7:30, we both have from 8 on to ourselves. If I want to go out for happy hour after work, or need to go to an event, I have permission to go and not feel guilty because she has her father there. When the playoffs are going or during football season, Wood ducks out early to go to the bar. We give each other time as we need it and I realize that is an extraordinary blessing.
If you could be doing anything else right now in your life, what would it be?
I would slow travel with my family through Central and South America, eventually traveling the rest of the world. We could stay in various cities for weeks or months as we felt, learning the language, volunteering and building a global network of friends. Of course, we would be independently wealthy or have some steady way of making passive income.
What are your predictions for the next year on your journey?
Hmmm… This is a good one, because I predict amazing things to happen in the next year. I predict that we will successfully adopt Nana by the end of this year, perhaps before National Adoption Day in November. Yay! Nana will grow out of some of her anxiety as she continues to gain stability in our home and our families treat her as one of their own. I am dropping little time capsules of ideas in Wood’s head about adopting another child, a little boy maybe. Perhaps we will start that process sooner than later. I am working little by little to gather a tribe of people of color who are interested in fostering/adopting. I predict mix-matched groups of children and parents gathering at our house, eating good food, listening to music (there must be background sounds!), laughing, loving and supporting each other.
Who to pass it on to..that’s a hard one. Most of the blogs that I follow have already been nominated or have a fairly large audience. I’m going to have to think on that one a bit but until then, thank you all for stopping by. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile. It’s comfy here.