When Bear and I bought this house, he started making lists of all the things that he would do. The problem was, I had never seen him fix anything. That’s not entirely true. He’s done a couple of smaller things and honestly, I wasn’t overly impressed. Why not? Let’s just say that Bear is an “intuitive” fixer. I’ve seen him take three hours to put together a television shelf that should have taken 30 minutes because rather than read, or even look at, the directions, he would rather “feel” his way through. The shelf was put together perfectly, but I’ve been giving him the side eye ever since. Needless to say, I was not that enthused about his homemade honey do list.
As we started to have more professionals come in and money flowing out, Bear continued to say that he could do many of the things that the professionals were doing. I started to wonder why I was so opposed to him trying. I always wanted a man who could fix things, who would take ownership of our house and step up to do all of the man shit. My need for control, for things to look a certain way, and frankly, my lack of trust in his “intuition” was keeping him from being what I asked God for.
I decided to step back and let him step up. Instead of first suggesting that we hire someone, I began to encourage him, to hype him up, to support him. And you know what, he is AWESOME. You see those pictures?
- When the electrician couldn’t finish because the chandelier was faulty, Bear said he could do it. We bought the new chandelier and we have light!
- We originally planned for someone to replace a white porcelain sink with a stainless steel sink. When the sink didn’t fit the hole right, we scheduled someone to cut the granite and fix the sink. While walking in Lowe’s, I encouraged him to try with a cement sink since the size and weight was similar to the porcelain. It fit perfectly, he fixed the plumbing, hooked it to the dishwasher and we have water!
- Bear swore up and down that he could install our appliances. And guess what, he did.
- Now Bear has a fully loaded honey do list that includes installing our cooktop and range hood, sanding and staining the stairs and replacing the ceiling fans. I’m all in as his assistant to hand him tools and cold beers as needed.
I’m so proud of Bear. It’s wonderful to watch him blossom and feel confident in his abilities. I learned a lesson too. When we (strong black sisters) have been doing things on our own so long, it may be easy for us to just call someone to handle it. But that is the wonderful part of being married. We have someone to share the burden. That means giving a losing a bit of control, but gaining a partner for life.