One is a Lonely Number

I never thought infertility would be so lonely.

We finally got scheduled and I was verbally given instructions. Take the birth control pills until Monday and come for a doctor’s visit to see how things are progressing on Friday. So why did I mess up and stop taking the pill on Friday and thought I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday?

I was kind of happy because I thought my husband’s schedule was going to allow him to come with me. He was kind of leary because he didn’t think I had an appointment but I was sure. Very sure. Until I looked at my calendar. And then I broke DOWNT.

I mean I cried. I cried because I was sure that I had messed up the entire cycle. I cried because I was so wrong. I cried because I felt I had let my husband down. I cried because I was scared of the whole process anyway. I cried because I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I cried because we have to work so hard for our family when other people just “accidently” become parents. I cried for any and everything I could think of. I know the Hubster was scared because I rarely cry and I was inconsolable. I wanted to crawl into bed and just be sad.

But I went to work which helped. I called the doctor and they said I would just have to wait until my appointment to see how my body reacted.

So I’m working this out….alone

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