Overcoming Inertia

As we get nearer to Nana’s final adoption data, I feel a sort of negative inertia.  I wanted to have my family attend, but since they live out of town, no one could come during the middle of the week.  I wanted to have a photographer there to do a mixture of family photographs and candid photos at the courthouse, but Wood seems to think I’m making it too complicated.  I wanted to throw a celebration party but I haven’t moved far past the idea phase.  I can’t seem to get motivated.

It’s times like this when you feel the acute loneliness that sometimes come with being an adoptive parent.  With an actual child, people have a physical reminder of the change in your life and it’s a bit easier for them to celebrate with you.  With adoption, it sounds like a lot of paperwork, and court dates and rigamarole.  Nothing interesting to see here, right.

My family isn’t even excited.  Nana has no idea what is going on and Wood is kind of like meh about the whole thing.  How can you really celebrate if even the folks in your house aren’t up for the party?  If I was going into labor, flights would be had, plans would be changed, folks would make arrangements to get here as soon as they could.  But with adoption, everyone is like, what’s the big deal, she’s been with you already.  It makes me feel like I should just shrug it off also.

In times like this, the best advice I can give myself is fake it until you make it.  Keep pushing and moving even if no one else really understands.  If you build it, they will come and all that jazz.  So, the photographer has been booked and outfits have been identified.  I’ll call some friends and work out the details of the party.  With adoption, since the process is so different and new to most people, I’ve learned that you have to help people understand the times that should be celebrated.  People want to be happy for you, but a lot of times, they just don’t know when.  It’s a bit more work, but I know it will be worth it.




12 thoughts on “Overcoming Inertia

  1. Perhaps you are over thinking it. It doesn’t have to be a big whoop to be a celebration. Why not have an open house of some sort and invite folks to flow through to celebrate with you guys..More informal..

    • I am absolutely over thinking it! Perhaps the open house is the best idea with a couple of games in the back for the children. Thanks for the suggestion.

  2. I love the photographer idea for sure. Open House is a great idea. That constant educating of people about adoption can be super exhausting. I wish I could say at some point it ends, but we’ve been at it 32 years and it hasn’t ended yet. Happy – She’s All Ours, She’s Stuck With Us Forever, Your Name is the Same as Ours Name or We Got You Day!! Whatever you call it it’s worth celebrating.

    • I’m thinking Open House might be the way to go with this. I’m not sure what we will call this day. I like the idea of a familiversary so that might be it. Happy Familiversary to Us!

  3. I agree that you might be overthinking it a bit, and add to that a little anxiety. I know that you really want your family there and it sucks that they are unable to make it but celebrate this major thing anyway right where you are in this important moment with your little family and friends. It’s way too precious to let any negativity seep in! Whoooo Hoooo I’m super excited for you.

  4. I don’t think you’re over thinking it; I think that there’s some loss here that’s resonating with you. This is a BFD and you want other people around you to act like it’s a BFD.

    My family came; I think they got it, but the energy level wasn’t what I had hoped for. I think that, in fairness, adoption is hard and sometimes our families don’t really know what to do or say, even though their reactions should be comparable to a bio-arrival. So happy for you and thrilled that you got the photog. Girl have that sip and see and keep it moving! 🙂

    • Yes, adoption is different and people are uncomfortable. On top of that, we have been taught how to feel about a bio-arrival through television and movies. We don’t have that same cultural reference for how to act with an adoption. Interesting. I may have to explore that thought one day.

      But yes, this was a BFD and I’m glad we got the photographer to help us document it.

  5. I absolutely love the photographer idea. I’m glad you booked. It will be great to have those happy memories captured forever. Nana will love looking back it them one day.

  6. I think the photographer is a great way to remember the day and for Nana to have those pictures later on when she understands more about her life.
    As for a party, I would just have a special dinner out with the three of you. Keep it simple and special. It’s a big day to be sure but you can have a lovely dinner together and it’s still special.

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