Mother’s Day Meditiations

All in all, I’m pleased with my very first Mother’s Day.  Wood, Nana and I got spiffed up and took pictures. We went to brunch at a cute, bougie brunch spot.  The hubster knows what I like.  Plus, he has also promised a day of pampering next week – massage, facial, and mani/pedi.  He loves me.  *sigh*

Nana amused the patrons by being the only one dancing to the live music and then sweetly making multiple trips to the tip jar with crunched up dollar bills to show her appreciation.  During nap time, I was able to quickly edit our pictures and short video of us singing and send it out to the mothers in our family.

Wood cooked dinner and then we all settled in to watch a movie.  Nana peed on the couch.  I was upset.  Nana cried.  There was a lot of confusion and loud angry voices and I turned into Mean Mommy.  This was followed by despair and disappointment in not handling my emotions about what was essentially an accident.  On Mother’s Day of all day!  Wood reassured me that I was still a great mother.  We all calmed down.  Nana told us she had to potty each and every time (13!), for the rest of the evening.  We ALL learned that Nana is potty trained when she wants to be.

Now that Nana has gone to bed and Wood has taken over the television to watch the playoffs, I get a bit of time to reflect.  Wood told me today that he’s noticed my motherly instinct from the moment that we met Nana at the Chick-Fil-A. Coming from Wood who takes his parenting role very seriously, this was high praise.

I wasn’t certain that I would be a good mother.  I didn’t grow up around a lot of children, our family was fairly small.  I wasn’t particularly inclined towards playing with children.  I’ve been less than a great godmother.  There are a lot of personality traits that I have that aren’t necessarily supportive of motherhood. There are a lot of reasons why I wouldn’t be the first one selected in a mothering contest.  *shrug*

So I find myself amazed and delighted at how much I love being a mother.  In particular, I love being Nana’s mother.  The sheer amount of love that I have for this little one is incredible, exciting and exhausting all at the same time.  From the moment she wakes up and smiles at me (on a good morning) to when I return home and am bowled over by Nana running at full speed to give me a hug, to when she is sitting on my lap reading a book or resting her head on my chest as I sing her a lullaby, she is at the forefront of my mind.

I’m constantly assessing (and slightly obsessing) about what she should eat, what she should wear, what toys are best, what activities work her fine motor skills, should we sign her up for gymnastics, or dance, or swimming, or all three, how much sleep she should get, what is the best way to discipline, and how to navigate through the places where Wood and I disagree.  And all of these things are delightful discoveries about myself, Wood and how we see ourselves now and in the future.

I can feel myself stretching.  I’m learning how to prioritize work and family.  I’m learning to choose my reactions.  I’m learning to admit that my husband knows some things and to be graceful when he makes a mistake.  I’m so grateful to have Wood in my life – he is AWESOME as a husband and a father and I need to make sure he knows that.  It makes me realize that I need to create balance and our home life so that everything doesn’t center on Nana, but radiates outward from the love that Wood and I share.

First Mother’s Day down.  A lifetime more to come.

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