As the new mom of a toddler, all manner of things are ending up in my purse that weren’t there before. In addition to my regular stuff, on any given day, you can find a pull-up or two, a box of raisins, baby wipes, a kleenex travel pack, ziplock bags of snacks, a couple of 8 oz water bottles, a busy bag, a bib and a sippy cup. Not all of these all of the time, but at least three of these at any one time.
Nana’s been with us for almost a month now, and for 3 of those weeks, I was with her all day long. We rolled. We went to the store, we’ve visited friends, we’ve eaten out a restaurants, hung out at the mall. I’ve gotten pretty good at streamlining what I need to put into my purse based on where we are going and I’m also flexible enough to manage the situation if I happen to have forgotten something. Snacks can be bought, paper towels can be wet, straws can be requested. I got this.
So it chaps my hide, I mean, it really burns me up when Wood asks me before we leave the house “Do you have wipes? Do you have a pull up?” I start to see red.
It gets even worse when he requests to put things into my purse that I don’t think we need – “We should carry her sweater just in case.” It’s 76 degrees outside. “What about her sippy cup.” We are going to a restaurant – they have straws and kiddie cups.
This is sooooo irritating to me. I mean highest level of pissivity. Resentment is building and I’m not sure how to make it dissipate.
I resent that there is questioning of my efficiency, my preparedness, when I’ve been the primary caretaker. I got this. And even when I don’t, I still got this.
I resent that he feels like my purse is a diaper bag when I just want to still be a stylish mom with a couple of toddler things thrown in.
I resent that he doesn’t realize that the whole time he has been playing around with Nana, I’ve been walking through the house with a mental checklist, collecting items, checking if there are still enough kleenex since she had a cold the day before, looking at the time and making a calculation of how many snacks I need to carry considering how long we will be out, or making sure the wipes have not dried out because I didn’t close the ziplock.
I resent that when I try to explain why this upsets me, he makes it seem like I can’t handle the responsibility. “Well, if you can’t handle it, I’ll just do it.” And then walks out the door with two pullups and a package of wipes and puts them in the backseat. Since he didn’t have a bag, I guess he was planning on walking around the mall with pampers and wipes in hand. LOL. Such a dweeb.
I suggested that I get him a small backpack. I was thinking one of those cross-body bags like this. Then he could also share the responsibility of ensuring that everything we need was refreshed, and he could also add the extraneous items (that I don’t think we need) to his heart’s content. He thought I was being cheeky and basically said he wouldn’t use it. “You can’t force me to carry a backpack. Why can’t you just put it in your purse?”
BECAUSE IT’S MY PURSE! And since it’s my purse, then the contents are my responsibility. I have to listen to you sigh all extra hard if I only have two kleenex and act like it’s the end of the world and I’m just not prepared to take care of this child. I have to carry the overstuffed bag around because you insist on bringing a fleece. I have to pick the squashed raisins out of the bottom of my very nice bag because the box flattened and the raisins fell out.
In the interest of full disclosure, he did say if he ever needed a bag he would use a plastic bag or her Mickey Mouse tote. Apparently a backpack is just too overbearing and it makes more sense to carry around a recycled Target bag or a pink tote bag.
It just irritates me that he wants to always be the one to pick up Nana (and carry her around) and I’m left picking up everything else, including the slack.