Cringing

This transition into parenthood isn’t easy especially when you are growing into it with another person.  There are many instances when I cringe at Wood’s parenting style and I’m sure he has an even longer list for me.

This morning I opened a box of alphabet puzzles for Nana. She got excited and hit the box while I was holding it and it dropped to the floor. She looked at me on surprise and was maybe even looking for a reprimand. I didn’t even acknowledge it and kept opening the puzzles. I didn’t interpret the behavior as malicious. I wasn’t expecting her to hit the box and was not holding it tightly. I didn’t see her hitting the box as an issue.  To children, a box is just as much of a toy as the puzzle.

Wood asks me if I was going to address it.

Address what?

You can’t just let her slap toys out of your hand.

I didn’t see it like that.

He sighs loudly and shows his hands to indicate that he is letting it go.

I know that this is just one of many conflicts that we will have about raising Nana.  I feel like we should have a discussion but I’m not sure how to talk about this when it will seem like negating the way that we were raised.  How would I express that toddlers shouldn’t be disciplined just for doing toddler things.  That its okay for Nana to have feelings about what is happening to her, that its okay for her to cry if she is frustrated.  That I don’t feel the need to entertain her all the time and that it’s okay if she doesn’t play with her toys “correctly.” That I don’t feel the need to correct every little thing and that I weigh what’s really important to focus on.   That this is different than how I was raised as we were always loved but we were also shushed, corralled, pulled away from, and berated for the smallest things.

I’m hoping to do things a little differently.

P.S.  I also cringe every time Wood calls himself “Da Da.” I don’t know why but that is like nails on a chalkboard.  I would never say anything because he has the right to choose how he wants to identify himself.  But man…really???

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7 thoughts on “Cringing

  1. I didn’t realize how much of a perfectionist I was until Stinky came in my life! I was so bothered by every little thing. My mother told me one day, “Pick your battles”. Life would be easier for both of us if I wasn’t dissecting every little thing. As you said, some stuff is just toddler behavior and does not require the troops lol. If she’s not hurting herself, others or being destructive. ..I quickly learned to let it go. It definitely makes sense when you consider their past, they could be off the charts. I became thankful for the small things that I could overlook! I pray the talk goes smoothly. Oh, what’s wrong with being called Da Da ?

    • Nothing is wrong with Da da. That is my own personal problem which is why I wouldn’t say anything. I can be petty sometimes. He wants her to call him Daddy but sometimes refers to himself as Da da which sounds to me like baby talk.

  2. Before we had kids, and eve at the start of having a kid, I used to have an issue with being called “Daddy”. I absolutely hated how juvenile it sounded, and I had zero interest in being called that by a child. Fast forward to the presents: we’ve had three children and the current one has been with us for over four months. Now I’m regularly called “Daddy” and I even call myself that! How times change.

    • My mother has decided that she wants to be called Nana. I had no idea she had even put so much thought into it. Now I need to come up with a different blog name for our child instead of Nana (pronounced Nah-nah). What did you want to be called instead of Daddy? Did you play around with other names and then ended up with Daddy?

      • My mom has been referring to herself as Granny, but I’m not sure that’s what she actually wants to be called. Granny sounds kind of strange to me, like something people in books and on TV are called, but not real grandmothers.

        Originally I just wanted to be called “Dad”. My husband already claimed “Papa”, though I didn’t really want that name either. I’m not sure how “Daddy” got started. I think it ended up sticking because it’s used more like a title than a name. As foster parents, we don’t want to scare any kids into thinking we’re trying to replace their parents, so for now we are “Daddy B” and “Papa T”. When the time comes that we finally adopt a child, then we’ll consider dropping our names off since we are legally becoming that child’s parents. Granted, by that point it may be too late to make changes. We’ll have to wait and see.

  3. It sounds to me like you’re taking the good from your parents, but with your own twist that respects Nana as a person entitled to her own thoughts, feelings, and personal space. I agree there is no need to call in the troops for each situation with a toddler — they’re just exploring how the world works. If you look up “natural parenting” it seems like some of your views match up with that parenting style.

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