Unlike my girl Adoptive Black Mom, I’m not good at blogging through it, but I’m going to do my best to keep at it. Thank you for all of those who send me comments when I’m absent too long. Ya’ll are awesome.
So. WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!! I said that right? Well, after weeks of waiting (for various reasons), we finally got to meet our daughter and she is AWESOME! I mean she is just this cute little bundle of juicy goodness that smiles and laughs all the time and loves to cuddle. She has such a sweet spirit and when I look at her just laughing and having fun, I’m amazed at the resiliency of children considering the little that I know about her background. So let me back up a bit.
We, my caseworker, Wood and I and the foster mom, met up at Chick-Fil-A and she immediately came and gave me a hug (attachment alert!!). She had no qualms about sitting on my lap but she would barely speak, only whisper. We were able to talk to FM a little more in depth about behaviors (lack of boundaries), allergies (none), issues (food), and any other questions we could think of. The whole time she sat in my lap and she was just so cute, I just wanted to eat her up.
We bought her something to eat and like a non-mother I forgot to wash her hands or give her some sanitizer (the horrors!) and then I let her pick up her food and she put the entire nugget in her mouth. After knowing her for a weekend, I think she would have make short work of that nugget but at the time, the caseworker was like, is she going to eat that whole thing so I made her spit it out. I was a bit embarrassed but hey, I’m learning. She lived.
After about a half hour, everyone seemed comfortable and we were free to go for the weekend. We took her to Wal-mart to pick up a few things and then to our home to show her the bedroom. She promptly invited her new teddy bear to have a seat at her little table along with Wood (who had to kneel since he would have broke the chair) and she had her first tea party. She was quite the hostess. That tea set was her favorite toy and she would walk around with her spoons all around the house. A spoon isn’t just a spoon. It is something that requires us to pretend we are eating something every time she holds it out. Wood called his brother who has way more experience than us in child rearing (5 kids!) and said, “If I see that spoon one more time…” His brother just laughed and told him to enjoy it. LOL.
We took a nap. The nap was for her, but the nap was really for me. I needed a nap. I had the itis. From pretend food.
Our agency was throwing a gathering for waiting families and we went. Everyone exclaimed over her. And she went to everyone. Indiscriminately. She would say hello, climb into their laps, hold up her arms to be picked up, hug their legs. If there is one thing that concerns me – it is this. I’m not worried about her going off with a stranger, I’m worried that she may have severe attachment issues and even disinhibited RAD. I’m praying that God is only giving us what we can handle and already talking to the caseworker about a referral to get her assessed. At the very least we have some boundary issues to deal with.
That evening we gave her the most boring bath in the world. We had baby soap, but no toys. No bubbles. Just plain ole water. Fun parent fail. She had to play a lonely game of slap the water. So pathetic.
We read her a book and tucked her in. We could hear her singing to herself for a while. When she started whimpering I brought her to my bed but she was just too interested in what I was doing to fall asleep. So I tucked her back into her bed and she sang herself to sleep.
The next day we all cuddled in bed and let her play on and around us – yes, again with the spoon and the pretend food LOL. We took a trip to the Children’s Museum and let her wear herself out. It’s amazing. I’ve always said that if I ever went anywhere, that I would need to take Grandma because it would just be too boring to sit there and watch your kid. I figured that grandparents would love that type of stuff. And don’t get me wrong. It gets boring. All that standing and getting down on the floor and then standing again when they run off. And engaging them. What sound does the car make? What color is this? Yellow. Yay! Yay!!! yay.
All the stuff I wanted to play with, like blocks, she was completely uninterested in. Somehow she found a teapot. NO!!! No more pretend tea! So yeah, it isn’t all magical and wonderful like people make it. BUT, it was fun to watch her make connections in how the toys worked and to see how her mind works. She even made a friend, a husky little boy named Joseph. He tried to climb up on something and fell over his back. He just waved his hands and feet like a little tortoise who couldn’t flip over. I was like, whose chunky baby is this? Come flip your turtle child over! She just walked away and started playing with something else. No empathy for turtle boy at all.
I liked watching her figure out how to climb onto stuff, until she face-planted on the slide. She never quite figured out that she couldn’t walk back up the slide once she came down. She gone learn today. Just kidding. No children were injured during this activity. Wood was like, “Uhmmm…so how long are we going to stay here.”
We took her back to her foster mom around 7:30 and there were tears all around (ours were on the inside). And then we came home and promptly fell asleep. I mean out like a light. No passing Go. I was sleep by 9:00. There were NO bed shenanigans. We both turned our backs and were satisfied.
There is so much more to write but I’m tired so I’ll just make a list to revisit:
– Transitioning and relationship with current foster parents
– Reaction of parents less excited than expected
– Different emotions between Wood and I about how much we like her and working through that
– Name changing
– Food issues
WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!