And so we wait

We are in this space in our process where all you can do is be still.  I’ve been here many times before.  It is the days between embryo transfer and the first pregnancy test, the time between your homestudy interview and you receive your certification, and for us right now, the weeks between when you submit your homestudy on a child and when you hear back that you are going to a RAS (or never hear anything back).

These moments are times when you have to release control and let things be orchestrated on your behalf by others.  If you are religious, you pray for God to work a miracle.  You want to believe that God has a great plan, but please, please, let it be this one because you can’t see any other options.

Right now, we want to love on this child, the only one that we know of. She needs someone and why not us?   Today – we are not interested in the greater plan for our lives, the one that we are supposed to be placed with, the child that all of the previous events of our lives have been building towards.  Because if it isn’t this child, the one that we know of today,  it means that the journey will continue and we will continue to wait.

And so we we wait.   But we embrace the wait.  Wholeheartedly.  Because we understand that this pause may be God’s way of blessing us with calm before a storm.  We take time to focus on each other and spend time doing the things we like – cooking together, dancing, entertaining.  We prepare – decorate the nursery, find child care, educate ourselves.  We love – on our family because the possibility of a future child continues to bring us closer.

Waiting.

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4 thoughts on “And so we wait

  1. Melodi, I’m putting some positive energy out there for you. I hated the waiting process, but it was necessary and now looking back on it, I don’t know how I would’ve finished my dissertation proposal but for that period of silent waiting. Hang in there, when things begin to move it may move so much and so fast that this quiet period will seem a distant memory.

    • We need the positive energy because the wait can be brutal. Since the nursery is pretty much done, I’m turning my eye to other parts of the house. I’m thinking once this child comes, everything will look exactly like it does for the next five years so we want to change it, better do it now.

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