Yesterday I decided to take a quick trip to Babies R Us to look at sheets and to get some ideas for colors for the room. I was looking around at the cribs, minding my own business until I started watching the other shoppers. Everyone seemed so sure of what they were doing. Couples were walking around with their baby bumps and excitedly picking out things for their registries. Grandparents to be were picking out bottles and other doodads. Parents with kids in tow were looking for accessories. It was like I was standing still and the world was continuing to move around me. The only one that didn’t know what the heck I was doing there.
I didn’t expect this simple trip to hit me so emotionally. I felt like a fraud. Like why didn’t I have a team of folks with me, excitedly helping me to figure out what colors for the nursery. I hadn’t done research on the best mattresses for a baby. I have no idea of the right type of bottles to get. There are no people giving me ideas on what to do. My mother hasn’t scheduled a special trip to help me prepare and pick out furniture.
I walked to the corner of the store so people wouldn’t see me tearing up. I had to leave. I couldn’t do it by myself. It just seemed so out of order.
As I reflect on that experience, I realize that people aren’t helping me because they don’t want to. I haven’t told them. With a pregnancy, there is a constant reminder that a baby is coming soon. People look at you and think, hey, we have some stuff she could use or some tips that I can pass on. It’s easy for them to relate. With foster care or adoption, you have to bring people in. You have to let them know where you are in the process and where you need help.
So for anyone reading that knows me in real life – hey, we are at a virtual 8 months. Baby isn’t due tomorrow but pretty soon. We are in the that phase where baby could be born premature. So…you know.. help!