No Rest for the Weary

Every year we have two R&Rs for rest and relaxation. The past two times we have gone all over the Eastern and Western Mediterranean to Spain, Italy, Greece and Turkey. But this baby business really has our mind warped and since time continues to wind up…a sister is 34 now…we needed to take care of business. So it’s back to the US for us.

We me with the latest specialist in our journey and we got the same spiel. We asked very pointed questions about if this could have been caused by previous surgeries. The doctor said he really didn’t think so because of the test results. Well, how could this happen? You ever see a doctor shrug before? Yeah… He tried to say all the right words, the body is complex, yadda, yadda. But basically it was a verbal shrug.

I remourned our loss. Maybe that baby that we lost was our last change We were quiet. He mentioned options. It was deathly silent. He mentioned adoption. We didn’t say a word. You ever notice how if you don’t speak, the other person will feel the need to fill the void. The doctor kept talking.

We went back to the hotel, still quiet. Bear leaves and needs to take a drive. I get on the internet. I need to understand this. What does this mean? Is this the end? I found other people online with similar conditions who went on to have children through IVF.

We discussed the specialist’s thoughts with Dr. M. She understood what the results were and agreed with the results that most likely we would not be able to have our own biological children. Unlike her counterpart, she was open to the idea of further testing/procedures and said she would help us to find someone in Houston. I wanted to stay on track but she kind of small-talked around our lives in Nigeria finally (and very tactfully) asking us about opportunities for adoption here. We quickly nixed the idea as we have friends who are going through the process and it was very stressful and cumbersome.

So we have one more option to try. To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I would rather take the information and just focus on next steps for adoption. But I think it may be easier for me since I’ve always wanted to adopt. But for Bear…he’s always pictured a child that looks like him. It would be unfair to Bear to not see this through.

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