Loss

We lost the baby. It’s weird using the word lost to describe something of such magnitude. The word lost implies something was accidently set aside, misplaced somewhere and forgotten. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It was a long, drawn out ordeal that played out over a week and a half which included a 5 day stay in the hospital. It was an emotional roller-coaster of sadness, semi-acceptance, surprise, happiness, fear and then immobilizing pain. It was a life-changing situation that I don’t think I’ve fully dealt with…but I’m still here. Bear and I tried to think of good things: now you can wear your original wedding dress, you can drink at the wedding, you won’t be huge in a bathing suit on the honeymoon. These things are meant to assuage the situation, but we both know that I would have gladly waddled down the aisle and drank apple juice all night. We’ve been told that we will have many more opportunities. I only hope that is true.

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