Be Yourself

BK and I are still struggling. We seem to suffer from misunderstanding each other. I’m starting to see where I aid the misunderstanding. I find myself waffling with me, changing myself to fit him, wanting to be understanding and sometimes overreaching and he doesn’t like it. He gets frustrated. He’s gotten the notion in his head that I say one thing when I really mean something else. It doesn’t help that sometimes I do exactly that. For instance, he is supposed to come visit but his money is funny. So I say, well, maybe we should just postpone. And he says, so you can then complain about us not seeing each other, how hard it is to be apart, how you can’t do the long distance thing. So I had to explain to him that yeah, emotionally, I am feeling one way, but intellectually, I know you need to save your money. It’s possible for me to be split that way but verbalize the thing that will be best for him – it’s a compromise, actually a sacrifice from my perspective. But I find myself being too compromising instead of just being straight with how I feel. And I think he knows that. I told him, well, maybe you want a woman who is more like that, more compromising. He said, be yourself. I better do just that.

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