48 Hours

That whole bet thing isn’t working. My stomach is as big as ever…and I am not even eating crazy. That’s bs. I tried but can’t sustain it. Booo…

BK and I are going through. He’s works shifts, which is crazy work anyway because it changes every 2-3 days. He’s also studying for a certification, worrying about some personal issues and just generally having a hard time of it. Its a transition time in his life right now. One of those times that you look back and say man, things seemed so hard now but I made it through. I get that. But homeboy told me that he was going to take the next two days that he has scheduled off to do a intense study marathon, so I shouldn’t expect him to call *blank stare, blinking rapidly* See, no. Not feeling that. It’s already very hard for us because of the 8 hour time difference. By the time I get off of work and get home, it’s 1AM his time. When I wake in the morning, he’s usually at work or sleeping. Making time to talk to each other is already a struggle without a self-imposed hiatus.

So when he’s acting like he absolutely won’t have any time, I’m not feeling it. Because I’m of the mindset that people do what they want to do. In 24 hours you can’t call, text, send an email? Nothing? At this moment, it’s going on 48 with no communication. I’m trying to put myself in his shoes – tripping out because of all of the aforementioned stuff going on. And I’m trying to be supportive – not calling but sending periodic text messages and email saying “Go BK, you are so smart, study hard, have a good day, hugs and kisses!”

But this is 48 hours, man. My emotions are starting to heat up and I keep trying to talk them down. Saying wait another day. Give him some space to work some things out. Be supportive and available. But I don’t know how long I can go without feeling like a sucker. If my girlfriends significant told her that he would be offline for two days so don’t expect him to call, I would be giving him the prolonged side eye. And sucking my teeth at her for going along with it.

You don’t want me to get to the point where I can go for 24 hours without thinking of you and not being compelled to reach out to you. You don’t want me to get where I don’t need to talk to you about my day or ask you one of a hundred mundane questions. You don’t want me to not send you quick emails with links to stuff I thought you might find interesting, or send text messages, or comment on your Facebook page. Because if we can go for 2 days, and then 3 days, and then 4 and the only thing that ties me to you is that once a day phone call or text message is no longer happening, then it’s real easy for you to just do a slow fade out. I’m doing my part to not let that happen. We’ll see how the next 48 hours pans out.

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