Get Over It

Have you ever had a married man try to guilt trip you because you told him that you don’t deal with married men?

That’s just me? Okay then…

One thing that is not cool about Nigeria is the rampant and blatant disregard for marriage vows, particularly on the part of the men. I would say oh, about 85% of the men that have approached me have been married. Ain’t there is no bluffing, no hemming and hawing, no sliding rings off fingers – it is straight up, “yeah, I got a wife. and…”

So I met this one guy at a party, let’s call him, Moving Parts. I didn’t see a ring so we exchanged numbers. We have talked briefly on the phone but with the vacation and all, it hasn’t been consistent. I also wasn’t really trying to pursue it either. He had been temporarily transferred out of town on a project and was persistently calling me and text me. I finally just asked him my favorite question for finding out if a man is married, “So, where is your family?” He answered that his family was in Lagos. For those not familiar with the culture, if homeboy didn’t have a wife, he would have clarified really quickly what family I was referring to. Since he didn’t, I knew the deal. Uhhh-hmmm….

Moving Parts continues to call and text even though I am not answering calls, not returning texts. Finally, I just text him and say, “I’m flattered but I know that you are married and I don’t deal with married men. ” He writes back:

Morning Melodi. I felt that you came down hard on me. I like you very much which is why I wouldn’t lie to you as regards to my status, but you sure made it sound like being married is like having leprosy.

Are you serious? Are you really trying to act like I was wrong? I know that in Nigeria, for man that is intelligent, good looking, and highly paid, being married is just a slight inconvenience. But for me, your marriage is more than an inconvenience. It’s a barrier to me ever being more than just a fling. It might mean a couple of dinners, a couple of cute bags and even a weekend trip somewhere. But it also means showing up to events alone, spending holidays alone, and eventually ending up alone. I think I am going to pass.

Guess what? He will get over it.


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