Today was my first day back to work and I just couldn’t get it together. I didn’t want to get out of the bed, but I finally rolled over, jumped in the shower and started dressing. Then I was too fat, my clothes didn’t fit, my skin didn’t look right, my makeup was all wrong, really, every excuse for my day not to go right. I put on a smile even though inside I was a bundle of nerves and negativity.
Then I got to work and people were saying, welcome back! Girl, you look good. Have you lost weight? You look so relaxed. I was confused because just this morning I had been dragging myself across the doorstep. Yet, no one could tell. By mid-morning I was laughing, joking and handing out hugs. Faked it until I actually made it.
The same thing happened when I went to a party on Saturday night. I was having a tantrum because I couldn’t find anything that fit. Casual chic? What in the heck is that? Why are they torturing me? I finally decided that what I had on was fine and who was going to tell me it wasn’t. I put on smile, went downstairs and my girlfriend said, oooh, you look cute. I sure didn’t feel cute, but after about two hours, and a couple of drinks, you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t fine. I kicked it until 4 AM. Faked it until I actually made it.
This has happened to me time after time and I’m finally getting the message. Even if I feel ugly on the inside, if I can just gather up enough energy and a little bit of positivity to make it out the door, I usually end up having a good time. I need to learn how to speak more positivity in my life, and if I can’t muster that, then fake it until I make it!